I am a fraud. I am a high school student. I’m having a paralyzing attack of anxiety and depression, which I’ve had, off and on, since puberty. I feel like I’m not in control of anything. Everything I’ve done is for what? And how to “get a new start” now? Take time off from work so I can write, that is, plunge even deeper into self-absorption? That sounds unlikely. Treat my own depression, so I can have less of an emotional state? Sounds like the greater of two evils, somehow. See I’ve got it all figured out. And yet I know that I know nothing. I’m not confident that I can regain confidence. I can’t make normal conversation. Surrounded most days by loud, rude, overprivileged idiots. Living kind of a zero-warmth lifestyle. All I want to do is sleep. And I can’t even do that right. I wish I had someone to talk to.


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